Friday, February 20, 2009

Screed: A loud harangue or bombastic declamation

Welcome to "Screeds 'R' Us", where seldom is heard an encouraging word and the skies are cloudy pretty much all day long. An especially warm welcome is extended to chronic curmudgeons and the perpetually dyspeptic. Nattering nabobs of negativity will feel right at home here. Pollyannas, not so much. It will prove futile to enjoin us to "c'mon get happy," and predictions of imminent blue skies will have little effect. ("They call it Stormy Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad, and Wednesday's worse and Thursday" etc., etc.)

There will be a special focus on incompetence, in all its infinite variety. Anybody who has ever tried to remedy some problem by phone, and has come to realize, early on in their conversation with customer service, that the person they are dealing with could not find their ass with both hands, will probably find that the content here strikes a chord with them.

Living as I do in Toronto, I will not have to look far afield for subject matter. The GTA may be accurately described as the epicentre of incompetence on the planet. In much the same way that the ancient city of Jerusalem is sacred to many faiths, Toronto, home to Toronto Hydro and the TTC, is the holy of holies to those who worship at the shrine of sheer stupidity.